It's me again.
Dana.
Mom got hooked up today and is feeling sick so I offered to update. Mom should probably be the one to write this post because I can guarantee you she has a better attitude than I do.
However, I started this blog to chronicle the journey...the goods and the bads...so here I am with my bad attitude. Feel free to chastise me later, but for now...I vent.
Mom received the results of her CAT scan this morning.
I was so anxious I thought I would vomit.
...
After sitting here for a few minutes, I realize I have absolutely no energy to develop a clever and witty sentence structure for your reading pleasure, so I'll just begin. (Sorry. I told you I have a stinky attitude.)
Good news and disappointing news. (I won't say "bad" because that's not in mom's vocabulary.)
The good news: blood counts are improved...seemingly a lot. Yay!
Other good news: no new growths, enlargements, or lesions. Double YAY!
The disappointing news: no shrinkage. Boo.
Big fat ginormous stinky BOO! (That's my opinion. I can't speak for mom...the eternal optimist.)
I say BOO because I want progress. BIG progress. I want this crap gone from my mom's body. And I want it gone yesterday! I want her to feel good. All the time. I clearly should want to have a better attitude, because frankly...mine is super stinky bad today. And I know why. Because I am being a baby and I want things to go my way and I want my way NOW. I know things could be TONS worse and I am SO COMPLETELY grateful for the good news. I guess I just want it all to be good news. And I want it all NOW.
(Sorry to subject you to my temper tantrum.)
Here's the deal:
Mom will have her chemo this week. Take next week off. Have her sixth round of chemo the week after that. Then she will have a PET scan. This will show in larger detail exactly what that stupid old cancer is doing. We will know what's active and what's not...if there has been any microscopic shrinkage or not. The results of this scan will be what her oncologist use to re-evaluate her treatment.
Please continue to pray for mom. Please specifically pray for her body to not only respond to the chemo, but to be able to tolerate it well. Thank you from the depth of my heart for your concern, care, and prayers. Some days I just want to pretend all is "normal". Other days I just want to hit something. And then there are many days I am filled with such enriching love and peace...and I know that Heavenly Father is aware of my mom. He's aware of me. And He is aware of each of you.
I think my bad attitude is subsiding for now. I truly am grateful for the good news. I'll try to continue and learn patience. I'm just really REALLY impatient with my progress. *sigh*
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5 comments:
Personally I think you have every right to have a bad attitude. Cancer sucks. I hate it! I know too many people right now affected by it and I'm ticked off! And it's okay to be. But then you have to pray and have faith that God has a plan. But I certainly won't get on you for a bad attitude. I'm just sending lots of love and hugs your way. I wish I could be there to help out.
Come on, Dana, you can do a bad attitude better than that! That's the nicest, most caring, loving "bad attitude" I happen to know about. You and your mom have such a sweet relationship, and you are both such a blessing to one another.
I agree with Quincy 100%. You and your mom have lots of prayers coming your way, and I hope you can feel them sometimes.
I appreciate bald honesty, honest feelings and the blasted truth. Thank you for being honest with us.
I'm happy for the good news and I'm sure more good news is in the future. I'll pray for it daily.
Praying for you both and hoping for good news to continue!
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