January 19, 2012

A belated Happy New Year!!  No good excuse for not updating sooner.  Life just got in the way!!

Our family had a wonderful Christmas.  My Mom was able to come up for a few days and I was able to pick her up and take her home!!  Enjoyed a low key welcome to 2012 and am anxious to discover what this new year holds for our family.

I have completed treatments 10 and 11, which means that the treatment I have next week will be THE LAST!!!  Can I get an AMEN???   I like my approach to this cancer and my treatments.  My philosophy has been to only know what I have to.  I didn't want to see the Big Picture.  If I had known there would be 12 chemo treatments that would be given over six months, I would have been overwhelmed!!  I never asked my prognosis or wanted to wait around for my lab results like many of the other patients.  My point of view is that, if there is a problem, someone will let me know and give me what I need to fix it.  I can't see putting my little bit of energy into worrying about my "counts."  I need my energy to focus on getting stronger and on thinking about all the positives in my life.  That is just who I am.

My head and heart are multitasking these days as I near the end of this chemo journey.  I am amazed at how quickly the time has gone; how supportive my family and friends have been; and how strong I have been through the highs and lows.  At the same time I am anxious to have the tests done that will emphatically prove that the cancer "has left this body."  I am nervous about what happens next.  Will I need to have any radiation?  Will I still need surgery?  This journey is not complete and there are still questions to be answered.  Still, I take one day at a time, rejoice in all the blessings in my life, and am determined to not whine so much.  However, I must be honest that the next two weeks will be the roughest yet and I ask your prayers to give me strength to endure.

Before I close, I want to share about a friend of mine from work.  Mary was a co-worker who was diagnosed with colon cancer just a few weeks before me last summer.  I had worked with Mary for over sixteen years at Calhoun.  She was a good friend and someone on whom I could count to help me with any financial aid problems I had.  Mary lost her battle with cancer on Christmas Day.  When I got the news, it was like someone kicked me in the stomach. Why weren't her treatments as successful as mine?  So many questions and so few answers.  I was able to speak with her only a few times after our diagnoses when both of us were able to be back at work at the same times.  We shared a bond that I would not recommend to anyone.  She was the one who gave me the idea about using a purse to hold my pump instead of the fanny pack I hated.  One day, she told me that she wished she had my positive attitude.  I told her that I was born that way and couldn't be any other way.  I hope that in some measure I shared my attitude with her. 

This has been a difficult journey to this point [I won't lie to you] and now the path ahead is a little uncertain.  All I know is I will keep on keeping on.  Thanks for listening.

Sandra